The Suffering of Secret Joys

The excitement of stumbling upon an underrated anime series; that musical that you’ve remembered every word to you could practically use it as your language; finding a really, really, good read.

You finally had free time. You indulge in binge-watching your favourite TV show, reread some good ol’ classics, lost in the moments of your leisure time. Then you get bored. You want something new. Not that you dislike your to-go to I have free time so let’s do this pack, rather you wish for a new film or music that’ll give you the thrills you felt the first time you finished watching the most memorable episode of an anime series or the chills you sensed when a particular artist just hits all the feels.

And so you go to Youtube, or Instagram (I personally go to Book Depository hehe) to look at your friends’ updates or check what’s trending. You listen to every single song with an interesting title; probably search up the trailer of a film netizens recommended. Anyhow, you did your research and let’s say you found the one to invest your time in.

And, dang.

You discovered a gem that’ll make you pause every second to scream like a banshee. Those lyrics that just seem to be a description of everything you ever wanted to say; that beat was a finally a groove that works for you. The read that seems to empty your mind and your brain willingly skyrocketed into some unknown universe.

So even just for a little while, you savour this moment. You fight that stupid grin on your face in public when you cannot wait to go home to pamper yourself. You don’t want to share it with your immediate circles yet because you do not want them to burst that bubble of little happiness you feel from uncovering a treasure. You hide the giggles and squeals of excitement, holding on to that feeling of living in a universe only you know. They will find out soon, anyways. And you wait in anticipation. That is what’s hard.

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